the mentos syndrome

i feel guilty whenever someone asks me for help and i'm not able to do it because a) i already have a lot on my hands, b) i'm too tired to think, or c) i can't do anything about it. especially (c). i know i shouldn't feel guilty that i couldn't do anything about the situation, but it's my nature to feel that way.

maybe because i try too much to be nice and to please everyone. i know there's a saying that one can't please everybody, but it's in my nature to do that although it's impossible. and the pathetic thing about it is that i keep on doing it despite promises to myself that i should learn to limit myself to what is doable, possible and workable.

blame it on my "pusong mamon" or soft-heartedness. i may appear to be tough/scary/suplada, but like mentos candy, i am soft on the inside. appeal to my soft side (argumentum ad vericundiam, as my logic teacher puts it), and i'm yours, hook, line, sinker, wallet, everything but the proverbial kitchen sink. and the bad part is, i tend to believe everything thrown at me by the appellee.

this is how my first disaster of a relationship came to be. my soft side came into the picture and i believed everything the schmuck told me. i'm just glad he's out of the picture, because if not, i would not have awoken to the idea of how pathetic i can get, and i may have become his slave forever and ever (i can't imagine, hahahaha). looking back, i can't even be merciful to myself and to the memories. i cringe at the thought of those black months of my life (yes, months, because luckily the relationship only lasted for less than 3 months).

right now i am working on my resolve not to be too nice or too gullible. i realize that my offer of assistance/friendship/help might be taken advantage of as has been in the past. i don't want to be just looking back all the time and realizing that i was duped/taken advantage of/fooled into doing things.

i just don't want to be too nice. otherwise, i would have to remove that last sentence on my profile about being a bitch.